Sometimes I struggle to be pro-life.
When a woman tells me that she has had an abortion,
After drinking throughout her early pregnancy
And having three children with FASD that are in the custody of the state
Who will struggle all their life with their 100% preventable disability.
I feel a bit of relief (then a heavy load of guilt for that brief feeling).
When I see on the news that a child rapist and murderer
receives his verdict and
Is sentenced to death for his horrific crimes
My first thought “he got what he deserves”.
When I hear that the US bombed ISIS
After they kidnapped, beheaded, and crucified civilians
Simply because they believed differently
I react with an instant of gratitude that our nation is doing something.
My first thought is pro death. A relief and gratitude for a final ending.
Because in a lot of ways, a final ending is easier.
But easier is not always better.
Easier is not always finding the good.
Sometimes the good is hard.
It is hard for a mother with alcoholism to become sober.
It is work for the community to gather around parents who are struggling
To ensure they have what they need
So they don’t have to choose between feeding the children they have or birthing a new life.
It is not easy for an adoptive parent to raise children with FASD if their parent cannot safely raise them.
It is hard to remember
That we are called to visit people in prison;
Even those who justly are there for life.
And we are imperfect judges of a person’s soul.
It is hard to love our enemies
(even though they are so far removed as Iraq)
And hard to pray for those who persecute people who believe the same things I do.
It is hard to see a solution other than violence.
But there is good in the hard things.
I have seen the good in an adoptive parent’s eyes when the judge tells them a child is theirs forever.
I have seen the good in the sober mother’s chin, as she holds it high when she shows me her 90 day coin.
I have heard the good people have learned from prisoners they have gone to teach.
And I am now struggling to find the good as I pray for ISIS as I pray for the Christians and Yazidis who are persecuted by them.